Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What do you feel is the biggest mistake a parent can do to their kids?

I personally think letting your child grow up with an inferiority complex or self esteem problems is THE most detrimental handicap they can posses in life after childhood. What do you think divorce? Abuse? What has caused you or someone you know the most problems in life? I mean the ROOT, not the effects. Any ideas?What do you feel is the biggest mistake a parent can do to their kids?
Personally, i would say not educating your child. Because everything you said can be cured / caused due to education or lack of it. I guess things like divorce can't be helped, but not having your kid study and learning and teaching him outside of class will put the kid into lower paying jobs, and then they might end up being poor... all sorts of things. Also it shown that violence is related to education, the lower the education the more likely to be violent as they think that is how they get what they want.

Another example, my friends parent kicked him out of the house. They were poor and his mother basically said, ';i'm not going to support you anymore';. He was able to stay at friends places and what not until and he still got himself an education. He is doing great now.

So in short, not pushing your kid to study and get a good education would be the worse thing i can think of to do to a child.What do you feel is the biggest mistake a parent can do to their kids?
What has been most difficult for me is letting go of my parent's approach to the world. They presented their viewpoint as the only truth.

When I raised my kids, I tried to make it clear that my views are a result of my history, and that there is no such thing as truth.

However, I did require them to behave well - and I tried to respect their emotional needs as well. How could I expect them to care about my feelings if I didn't care about theirs?

I ';abuse-proofed'; my kids by treating them the way an ideal spouse would: respectfully, kindly, warmly, openly, avoiding invading their boundaries. I never hit them (well, once, sorry) and never threatened them (I hope.)

My model is: if my kids are used to being treated well, they will not be attracted to abusive boy-friends.
Children need to be HEARD. They need to know that whatever the problem they have a place to go where they can be safe and secure and not judged.Its very easy to think you are listening to your kid when in reality you only hear the words not the meaning behind them.Kids can get through almost anything with the right support.Divorce? abuse? they are just situations to get through. Self esteem? It comes easy when a kid knows that right from the start they were important enough to sit down with and talk to on a real level. If you kids don't have this kind of security everything else will crumble. Hope this helps.
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