Thursday, May 13, 2010

How can a parent deal with a son that lies and breaks your trust?

To me, this is terrible, frustrating, lets me really down. He's 15 and I know he's a good boy, but is going through a difficult phase. I don't know why he lies so much. Unfortunately now it's hard to trust him.

How can I deal with this and change him without destroying our relationship forever? I was a teen too and I know how hurtful it is for a teen to know his parents don't trust him or her anymore. I know this is devastating, so I want to do something to show him it's not worth lying and breaking promises, that I'm disappointed and that this fatally has hard consequences. But I don't want to break his spirit and so I want to let him know that I still love him and he'll have my trust back if he sincerely decides to change.How can a parent deal with a son that lies and breaks your trust?
Maybe you could tell him that whatever he tells you as long as it is honest that you will not get angry. Also try sharing some of your own experiences as a teenager with him. IMO teens lie because they are afraid of what their parents will think of the truth. Also because they know what they are doing is wrong. Maybe if he realizes that you went through the same things he will be more open.How can a parent deal with a son that lies and breaks your trust?
You're the parent and he's 15. You tell him the limits of what he can and can't do. If he steps over them, then there's punishment. Be direct with what you want from him; don't shy away from it because you're the father and not him.
i had this problem with my 14 year old boy but i didn't dance round the problem i told him i didn't believe anything he said and he was gonna have to build my trust in him back up and until i was happy he wasn't telling anymore lies i would be checking up on his story's and the more he lied the harder it was gonna be for him so we did this for 6 months and im glad to say i trust him 100% now i do understand that teenagers do stretch the Truth now and then and that is OK x
Does anyone know of a teenager who does not lie?
Look I'm fifteen, and I can understand your son. You really shouldn't be surprised that he is becoming more independent, and is thinking for himself. No offense, but I don't think any parents remember what their teen yrs were like, and it doesn't seem like you do either. The thing that he needs the most right now, is for you to give him some space to explore, and mature. You seem a little overprotective of your teen, where you should really start being more liberal. All teenagers lie. Big whoop. If you really want to get his attention, then lie back to him. It seems more logical, to show him how it feels, rather than stripping him of his privileges, or giving him some mindless punishment. Take my advice, and please try to remember what it was really like being a teen. All we want is a little freedom!
All teens are a pain- spend some quality time doing activities you both like and getting to know eachother. A tight bond helps to ease the rebellion. But keep in mind that just because you are working on developing a tighter bond doesnt mean you leave dad status and enter friend status. You are first and foremost his parent- you govern him. If you let him get out of bounds he will, so be nice and have fun together but keep your foot down on decisions.

Get him involved in school/community service activities to keep him busy and teach him discipline, maturity, responsibility and a greater appreciation for himself and his abilities as well as his school and community. Plus it gets him out your hair for an extra couple hours! LOL

Also-pick your battles wisely. If you were penalized for everything you did wrong or that annoyed someone- you would get annoyed, act out and shut that person out of your life- its a normal reaction. You dont want him to do this. So pick your battles wisely and tighten your bond.

If all else fails- bootcamp and military schools are always open for new members.

Its crucial you nip his deceitfulness in the bud- he is growing into a man and some habits picked up now will follow into manhood. You have to nip it and be the ideal role model for him.
Welcome to my world. My 13 year old son is lying a lot about his school work and grades. It is frustrating.

You are supposed to take everything away and let them win it back by being honest. Does he have a bedroom door ? Take it off if the lies are serious. PC access - cell phone.. what is he lying about?? What hurts him the most if you grounded him?

All you can say is that you love him, and want the best for him.

You know (as you too were a teen) that people do things and parents are unhappy but please don't lie. It ruins all aspects of a good solid relationship. It stinks being the ';bad'; guy!
i think you need to set some stronger boundaries for him. sounds like he lies to stay out of trouble with you and quite frankly needs to be disciplined for that. try grounding and open communication with him. he is old enough to understand what is right and wrong and will have to suffer the consequences of his actions. i know someone who had to take all of the kids things except basic necessities of life like food, shelter, and clothing. if your open communication and grounding does not work try (while he is at school) taking everything from his room except his bed and clothes. i am sure he has a TV, comp, game system and stereo take them out and make him earn those back as well as your trust. it sounds harsh but if you think about it he does not need all that stuff and probably did not earn it the hard way so maybe now is the time to make him earn it back. good luck=)
Make sure you talk to him about what he is doing. You don't have to be his ';friend'; but you do have to set firm guidelines. I still remember a conversation my mom had with me when I was young. She said in a firm tone ';What you did %26lt;state specifics here%26gt; was wrong';. Not only was that wrong but you lied to me about it. Who can I trust if I can't trust you? We have to be a family and I can't help or protect you when you lie. I was more concerned about disappointing her than all the punishment that came with it. If that doesn't work, send him off to Marine Corps boot camp.
Tough love... Just take any and all privileges away. Once trust is lost.. it is so hard to regain.. But it has to happen to rebuild the relationship. Start by taking ALL privileges away.. and explain to him why this is happening.Tell him why its so important to keep the trust.... and why lying is so devastating. Its not going to be easy.. especially at first.. but tough love works. The most important thing is that you HAVE to stick to your guns, no matter what. Once he understands the severity of this... and is changing then SLOWLY give privileges back... But if he starts lying to you again.. even once... take them away again. BUT through all this.. you have to make sure he knows that you are doing this because you love him and WHY you are doing this!

And what ever you do.. be the adult.. no matter how hard it is.. and DON'T get into a shouting match with him!

Good luck.. Teenagers are tough!
Whip his *** no just kidding talk to him he may have a problem trying to act cool with his friends or trying to be a bad which by the way is not cute any more just talk to him okay
For one thing -YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SON! Your job is to make life HARD for him so he is prepared for life. His mother is there to coddle him and give him love and support - YOU are there to make sure his life is HARD. You don't have to beat him but you do have to let him know that he's not going to get any freebies in life.

Give up this idea of having a relationship with your son. If, when he's 18 years old, he tells you to F*(* off and walks out of the house, slamming the door behind him, you should pat yourself on the back for a job well done.


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