My ex comes and goes. My kids are now old enough to get hurt by this action and he is setting up to do it again. He hasn't seen them in two weeks. How do I protect my children from this pain?How do you protect your child when their other parent walks away?
ooh...this is a sore spot for me...my father was like this. My mom's reaction was to run him away as a form of protection...bad idea. It gave my father a ready made excuse when I got older and asked him why he did that.
My friend, her husband and her stepson (the ex-wife is in and out) handled it differently. They said nothing. Her stepson learned on his own that his mom was unreliable and made the decision when he got older to exclude her.
As a mom, its painful to see your kids going thru this, but as they get older people are going to disappoint them. Their father, unfortunately, is the first. Try counseling. And when they want to talk about it, let them. Their father should also be man enough to take any question they have, like ';why do you not always come to see us?';How do you protect your child when their other parent walks away?
Let them see him, its gonna hurt, but they'll figure it out soon enough and refuse to see him.
We want so bad to protect our children from the pain, but really our job is too smooth it over and kiss the hurt and make it better. We won't be able to always protect them and sometimes we shouldn't...they have to learn for themselves. Sounds true enough, huh? now if I can just do that too!
I never wanted a part time father for my daughter. I see these children that have fathers who take time for them and my heart aches for my child. I know the pain she will endure if he doesn't start taking more responsibility and time with her.
I don't think you can. If your kids are old enough to understand then you can talk to them. But they each have their own relationships with their Dad and they have feelings. It is just going to take time. Be there when he goes and let them know it is NOT them, Dad just cannot adjust to being home all the time.
I would put some real boundries on his coming and going so he just isn't waltzing in and out of everyone's life like it is a picnic.
My family has gone through this many times with my Grandma and Grandpa. There is really nothing to protect someone from that sort of pain. You can try to explain why he does that - if they are in their late child or early teen years (11-16 sort of thing). Talk to them about what they are feeling, why they feel that way. And if there is anything you can do to help them.
I hope your ex learns that their actions are wrong and you and your kids get though it.
time to lay some ground rules for your ex i think!
he might be their dad but that doesnt give him the right to treat them the way he is.
my sister had the same problem and her ex would promise to take the kids abroad on holiday, and then phone my sister and say she had to tell them his plans had changed! of course the kids saw her as the ';baddie'; because she was the one who gave them the message!
she just shrugged her shoulders, and was always there for them-all she could do really.
she ended up telling her ex that if he wasnt going to be a proper dad then he could stay out of their lives until he grew up!
happy to say the kids are now grown up and realise who was there full time for them and they saw their ';dad'; for what he was!!!!
just keep giving them love and support and they will be ok!
its going to hurt them no matter what. all you can do is be there and give your babies a shoulder to cry on. but re-assure the kids its not their fault. because they will think it is.
Well I have a good story...my childs father almost killed me and spent only 3 months in jail for it. He also put antifreeze in my brake fluid which caused my breaks to fail in my car with our child in it. He has lied to child support enforcement saying his mom sent me some money for a month, just to get out of paying for his daughters child support! The list goes on and on....she is almost 4 and wants to see him on occasion...............but that's not going to happen. I'm protecting her from a lier and a killer, now how could I live with myself if something were to happen to her while in his care!!!!!! Your kids will only get hurt, I say he is out of there lives and they will continue to get upset as long as he comes and goes.
Very hard question..I don't think u can ever ease the pain ..maybe just tell them that their father is going threw something and it's no way their fault and that he loves them .very hard situation and I'm sorry ur going threw this.
REjection is hard for anyone but especially rejection by a parent-and when you're a kid its doubly hard. As a foster and adoptive mom, I realize there is nothing I can do to erase the pain. They will have to go through it at every new developmental stage they encounter. It is my job to help them forgive their parent(s). It will keep their hearts pliable so they can learn to love others as they grow. When they are young, you just tell them that Mom or Dad can't help it-they can't take care of you-but I will always take care of you. Don't be ugly. The kids love their parents. They will figure it out later that Mom really was lying to them when she said she was at the hospital ER every first Thursday of the month for 8 months straight. I encourage whatever the parent is willing to give-but when I see the kid is getting hurt, I cushion them beforehand - ';I hope Momma doesn't go to the ER again tomorrow. She really doesn't look sick at all to me and I know how much it hurts you when she doesn't show up. We will just pray for her. Remember-I will always be there for you if we have a visit planned-even if you're a hundred and two years old!'; Sometimes it really causes problems when the kids worry if Mom is ok. Selfish of Mom but she can't face her irresponsibility and its not my job to correct her. I just love her kids. Focus on the important.