Tuesday, May 11, 2010

How to parent an 18 yr who does not want to grow up?

I am 22 yrs old in my last year of college and my sister who is 18 yrs old just moved in with me this year she's in her first year of college.My parernts were very strict and overly protective of her never let her do(like get a summer job) or go anywhere in highschool.She did not have her first bf till senior year and well she took it all the way with him.She acts like a 16 yr old who is rebelling!even living with me partying like crazy, leaves a mess everywhere all over the apartment,forgets to pay rent,leaves her bc all over forgets to take it and playing with fire with her ex.bf who has a gf.What to do with an 18 yr who acts more like a 16 yr old at best?How to parent an 18 yr who does not want to grow up?
I work at a university and this is really common. Parents think they are helping their kids by being really strict...then they go off to college and they lose their minds because they were never given leeway to make mistakes on their own when mom and dad were their to guide them.

You'll have to get tough with her. She wants to play grown up, let her--you aren't her babysitter.How to parent an 18 yr who does not want to grow up?
Sit her down and tell her your expectations, cleanliness and paying of rent, ect. Give her a deadline to start abiding by the rules, if not, kick her out. She can find someone else to put up with her crap.
You're not your sister's parent here. So you can't parent her. That's your mom and dad's job. And I know EXACTLY what she's going through, because I grew up with very strict parents as well, and the minute I got on my own, I did whatever I wanted to.

Maybe the problem here is that she's living with you. Is there anyway she can move into the dorms? The school year is about over, so I don't understand why she's still acting this way, but maybe moving her to the dorms in the fall would be better for her.
let her go to jail she'll grow up real fast. kick her out of the apt. for not paying rent . sounds like your parents were right to keep her on a tight leash.
If I were you, I'd send her back to mom and dad; obviously they haven't finished the job. It shouldn't be your responsibility to deal with this out-of-control behavior, or compensate for their mistakes either. She's not going to get much of an education, so they're pretty much wasting the tuition money. Pack her back, and get a roommate from among your peers if you need the assistance with rent. You care about your sister, but you shouldn't have to be her babysitter.
have you talked to your parents about this? you need to sit her down and tell her that if she doesnt pay rent on time and keep th ehouse clean she is going to have to find a new place to stay. that what i would do with my sister. sadly you cant change her bad habits and it may be to late. good luck and i hope all works out for you in the end.
You are not her parent. Treat her just like you would any other room mate. Tell her to pay her rent and clean up her own messes. As for the other stuff you can tell her but it sounds like she needs to learn on her own.
Invite her to go out with you for some leisurely activity... ice skating... or play dominoes with mature cuban men in Miami... then talk about other people and how they interest you.. U must first master communication with your sis b/4 you can analyze, be analyzed, and resolve conflicts...
I am 23 and i didn't really have strict parents but i had a sheltered life and didn't date till senior year either and when all the way too first time around. Listen when I left my freshman year for college i went for a semester and partied myself out....I had a blast and I don;t regret one minute of it but at the same time I wish i was a tad more responsible and made it through school verses having to start over 5 years later but thats whats gonna have to happen. I think its gonna be one of those things shes gonna have to learn on her own. I got it out of my system after like 2 years and then was ready to grow up...Give her her time to screw up just be there for her when she falls....Let her know shes is screwing up but DON'T nag...more you talk more shes gonna do it just cause you don't approve and you can't kick her butt so remember shes an adult a young stupid one..,.however i think the better older adults are the ones that fall at one point and are able to appreciate how hard they worked and also were able to have fun. Just be a cool big brother and love her. Maybe suggest things like lets go out and do this when you are done studying for this class. Just try to show her how to balance social life and school and responsibility....don't fight just patiently show her.
treat her like a baby and put her in diapers feed her so on.

check out my questions.
Tell her that she needs to start acting like an adult, and i she refuses to do so either punish her,not alot though.. or tell her if she acts like a baby she sould be treated like a baby. I hope Ive helped!
Don't act like your parents and steal her childhood from her. She didn't get to do the things other kids did when they were her age so she will do them now. With or without your approval.

A Big Brother who has been there done that.

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