Sunday, January 17, 2010

How do men balance being a parent and professional accomplishment?

I know this is usually thought of as being a working mom issue, but what about men? I was reading about a rock climber who was considered one of the world's best and accomplished a lot but then died while attempting a climb. On one end he is a good example to his children about striving, taking chances and living your life but on the other end he is no longer there to parent. (Another example would be the business owner who has to work all the time).

Is that better or worst than having a dead-end job working for the business owner for 45 years and being there for your kids but not showing them how to strive for better things?

Do you understand what I am getting at?How do men balance being a parent and professional accomplishment?
I disagree with the notion that it takes a good man to raise a good man. There are too many examples of men growing up to be good men in spite of their fathers. It also goes the other way.

One thing that you do hit on here is that this is the issue that most women don't understand the struggle that men go through internally when they want to be good fathers. So much about being a father is about being a role model. It is kind of like the song ';Cats in the Cradle'; where the little boy watches his dad working so hard to provide for his family where all the boy wants is some time with his dad. Even though the boy goes through this first hand, he grows up and does the same thing his dad does and works all the time.

I also don't think women fully understand how the father is a role model throughout your whole life. I know too many guys who thought the world of their dad growing up and then something happened (some sort of crack in the armor) when they got older that really hurt the relationship. Read ';Death of a Salesman'; to see an example of this.

So being a father really goes past fishing trips and diaper changes. It is really a 24 hour ordeal where we just hope our kids take away the lessons we are trying to teach.How do men balance being a parent and professional accomplishment?
Being both in one is an accomplishment on its own.What is important is to teach your children good morals.that is the most valuable lesson.How to be good individuals.Just because a person works at a dead end job does not make them a bad parent.If you are there for your children that is what counts.
Martyring yourself will only get you so far. You have to make that example first.

My bf's father died when he was 18 of pancreatic cancer. My bf was always in trouble and both he and his father were alcoholics. They overcame this together. he wouldn't be the man he was today without his father's sacrifices, not just to be there for him, and he was greatly. after my bf turned 15 and got into some serious trouble. his dad really believed in him and supported him during all this and helped him out of trouble. he helped my bf and himself by not drinking anymore (my bf is sober almost 20 years). when he died, my bf became head of household and took on all the financial responsibilities that entailed. He even helped put his sister through school. he never would have done it without his father's constant support and love. his father showed him what a real man has to be and just how far to go for his family.

he also owned a restaurant, which was family operated, so the family actually got a lot of time together, working to support themselves and their restaurant.

One thing i've learned is that it takes a good man to raise a good man. Not only to show him how a good man acts, but to physically make him see you being a good man. this means you don't just bring home the bacon, but also by showing attention, getting to know your kids and giving love and discipline.
I think you can do both. You can find a balance between your career and being a parent. You can work alot but also be there when it counts(games,recitals,dinnertime,weekend鈥?br>

I think that men who do that are the good ones.
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